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Legal basics · England & Wales
When a parent will not commit to regular child-arrangement days
It is hard to plan a school week when every contact day feels provisional. This guide explains the difference between a flexible arrangement, a written plan and a court order, with calm next steps from current official sources.
Start here
Regular does not have to mean rigid.
A regular arrangement can be a familiar rhythm for school days, weekends, holidays and contact. It does not have to look the same for every family.
Cafcass says arrangements depend on factors including a child's age, wishes and needs, each parent's commitments, the homes involved and how far apart parents live. It also says children cope best with predictable and regular routines. The aim is not to create a perfect timetable. It is to make the child's ordinary week understandable and workable.
A flexible arrangement can work where communication and co-operation are strong. Cafcass notes that flexible visits need good communication and give and take. When one parent cannot commit to dates, it can help to separate a proposed routine from changes that are actually agreed, so a child is not left carrying the uncertainty between homes.
Make the practical question clear
Turn “when can I see them?” into a plan someone can answer.
A broad conversation can be difficult to respond to. A short, child-focused proposal gives both parents something practical to consider without pretending it is already agreed.
Describe the ordinary rhythm
Name the days, times, collection point and contact that would apply in a normal school week.
Keep holidays separate
Say whether school holidays, bank holidays and special days follow a different pattern. Cafcass advises arranging special occasions well ahead of time.
Leave room for a response
Make clear which parts are proposed and invite a workable alternative. A suggested day is not an agreement until both parents have accepted it.
Record the version that is agreed
Keep a dated copy of the current arrangement and of any agreed one-off change. GOV.UK's service can create a plan to share with the other parent for agreement and suggestions.
Our free UK parenting plan template can help put the practical details in one place. For a schedule pattern, see the alternating weeks guide. Neither page can make a parent agree or decide what is right for an individual family.
What a written plan can and cannot do
A written plan can make the position clearer. It cannot make agreement happen.
GOV.UK says parents do not need official paperwork if they agree about child arrangements, but they can write down what they agree in a child arrangements plan if they want a record.
The government's plan service covers details such as when and where a child spends time with each parent and other contact, including phone calls. It can be used when there are no arrangements yet or when a parent wants to suggest changes to existing arrangements.
The plan is not legally binding. GOV.UK says the other parent does not have to do what it says and either parent can suggest changes. That boundary matters: a written proposal can reduce different memories of what was discussed, but it is not a substitute for agreement or a court order.
If the conversation is stuck
There are ways to get help without deciding the answer alone.
GOV.UK says an accredited mediator can help parents make decisions about child arrangements. A mediator is neutral and works with both parents around a child's best interests.
GOV.UK also says mediation can take place in person or remotely and parents do not have to be in the same room or call. Whether it is suitable depends on the situation. Read the current GOV.UK mediation guidance, including its safety information and links to accredited mediators.
This is a signpost, not a direction to mediate. Where there is domestic abuse, urgency or a safety concern, the normal route for reaching agreement may not be appropriate.
Where agreement is not possible
What official guidance says about court orders.
GOV.UK says a court order is a legally binding decision that sets out the child arrangements parents must follow. A child arrangements order can decide where a child lives, who they spend time with and other contact, such as phone calls.
GOV.UK says parents may be able to apply for a court order if they cannot agree after using a mediator or getting help. It also says the court will only make an order if it is best for the child. The Children Act 1989 provides that a child's welfare is the court's paramount consideration when it determines a question about upbringing.
Court decisions are individual and no guide can predict one. For the current process, exceptions and sources of support, read GOV.UK's guidance on applying for a court order or speak to a family solicitor.
Child arrangements orders, explained → · Online family mediation and MIAMs →
If there is already an order
An existing order needs its own current guidance.
GOV.UK says its child arrangements plan service should not be used where a court order already sets out arrangements that parents must follow.
The government directs parents with an existing order to its current guidance on changing or enforcing an order. This page cannot interpret an order or advise on what a particular parent should do. If the wording, safety or practical effect is unclear, a family solicitor or an authorised advice service can advise on individual circumstances.
Quick answers
Questions about regular child-arrangement days.
Do parents need official paperwork to agree regular child-arrangement days?
No. GOV.UK says parents do not have to do official paperwork if they agree about child arrangements. They can write down what they agree in a child arrangements plan if they want a record.
Is a child arrangements plan legally binding?
No. GOV.UK says a plan made through its child arrangements plan service is not legally binding. The other parent does not have to do what it says, and either parent can suggest changes.
Can mediation help when regular days cannot be agreed?
It can help some families. GOV.UK says an accredited mediator can help parents make decisions about child arrangements, including where a child lives and when they spend time with each parent. Mediation is not suitable for every situation, including some involving domestic abuse or urgent safety concerns.
Can a court order set out regular days?
A child arrangements order is a court decision about where a child lives, who they spend time with and other contact, such as phone calls. GOV.UK says the court will only make an order if it is best for the child.
What if there is already a child arrangements order?
GOV.UK says not to use its child arrangements plan service where an existing court order sets out arrangements that both parents must follow. Its current guidance explains changing or enforcing an order.
Sources read 23 September 2026: GOV.UK, making child arrangements if you divorce or separate · GOV.UK, make a child arrangements plan · GOV.UK, make an agreement through mediation · GOV.UK, apply for a court order · Cafcass, planning your child's time with both parents after separation · Children Act 1989, section 1. This is general information for England and Wales. Scotland and Northern Ireland have different rules.
Related: Changing child arrangements as children grow → · Calmer handovers → · All guides →
Keep thepracticalpicture clear.
A shared calendar cannot decide the arrangement, but it can keep the days that are agreed clear for both homes.
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