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Legal basics · England and Wales
Family mediation or court? How separated parents decide
If you are trying to agree child arrangements, mediation and court can feel like two very different roads. This guide explains the general process, what the main costs and timings are, and what can help you keep the next steps calmer and clearer.
Start with the difference
What mediation is trying to do.
Family mediation is a structured conversation with help from a trained mediator. The mediator does not decide the outcome for you. Instead, they help parents identify the issues, listen to each other and work towards arrangements that keep the children in view.
It is not a test of who is the better parent, and it is not a promise that every disagreement can be resolved in one sitting. Some parents use mediation to work through a particular issue. Others use it to build a fuller written plan covering everyday arrangements. The mediator should consider whether the process is suitable and safe, not simply move everyone into the same conversation.
A useful next step after agreement is to write down what you have decided and how changes will be handled. Our parenting plan examples for UK families show different patterns in plain English, without suggesting that one pattern suits every child.
Before a court application
What a MIAM is, and when it is needed.
MIAM stands for Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. It is a meeting with a mediator where you learn what mediation involves and discuss, usually separately, whether it could be suitable. It is not the same thing as a joint mediation session.
Before a relevant family application about child arrangements, a MIAM is usually required unless an exemption applies. The application service gives a longer list, so the examples here are only a summary, not an exhaustive list. Examples include consent orders, a child-related emergency, urgency, evidence of domestic abuse, or a situation where there is no mediator within 15 miles or no appointment within 15 working days. A party under 18 is another example.
The rules also recognise other circumstances, including some existing child-protection or court situations and a recent MIAM or similar meeting. If you think an exemption may apply, check the current application service or ask a solicitor or mediator how to evidence it. The court can scrutinise an exemption, so a short, accurate explanation matters.
Paying for the route
What mediation can cost.
Costs vary between providers, and eligibility can change what you pay. These are the general figures in the sources for this guide, not a quote for your family.
Legal aid
If you are eligible, the MIAM and mediation are free. If one party is eligible, the MIAM and first session are free for both parties.
Private mediation
A private MIAM is around £120 per person. The Family Mediation Council gives a typical session range of £130 to £170 per person per hour.
The voucher scheme
The Family Mediation Voucher Scheme can contribute up to £500. It is non-means-tested, one voucher is available per family or case, and it is for children cases or children and finance cases. It does not pay for the MIAM. The payment goes to the mediator, and funding is confirmed for financial year 2026-27.
To look for a mediator, the Family Mediation Council Register is searchable by postcode. Ask the mediator what they charge, what the first meeting covers and whether they can discuss legal-aid eligibility or the voucher scheme before you book.
If court is the route
What going to court involves.
A parent applying about child arrangements normally uses a C100 form. The application fee is £270. A MIAM normally comes first unless an exemption applies. The court process is separate from mediation, and the court makes the decisions if parents cannot agree the arrangements themselves.
The first hearing is called an FHDRA, or First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment. It should ordinarily take place in week 5 after the application is issued and, at the latest, in week 6. These are process expectations, not a personal timetable. The latest published Family Court Statistics Quarterly figures, for January to March 2026, say private-law cases took an average of 35 weeks to disposal and that 52% were disposed of within 26 weeks.
Those figures describe a group of cases, not a prediction for an individual family. Court may still be the right route where agreement is not possible or where the circumstances require a formal decision. If you are deciding whether to apply, get advice about your own situation rather than treating a general average as a promise.
The choice is not as simple as a label
Mediation is not compulsory, but the process still matters.
The Government response published on 12 February 2024 said there was no legal requirement to attend mediation before applying to court. From 29 April 2024, changes to the Family Procedure Rules brought stricter scrutiny of MIAM exemptions and possible costs consequences.
So the practical question is not simply, “Which side are we on?” It may be whether a supported conversation is safe and workable, whether an exemption applies, and whether a formal decision is needed. Some parents try mediation and later apply to court. Others use a MIAM to understand the route before deciding what to do. Neither path is a measure of how much a parent cares about their child.
The Nuffield Family Justice Observatory report Routes through court for families in private law proceedings, published on 23 June 2026, found that, excluding non-parent applications, about one-third of parents in England and two-fifths in Wales returned to court within five years. A written plan and a calm, accurate record can give some families a clearer way to manage changes and remember what was agreed. That may help reduce avoidable uncertainty, but it is not a promise that a family will never return to court.
Whichever route you take
What helps afterwards.
Whichever route you take, the day-to-day still needs a calm place to live. A shared calendar can show the arrangements, change requests can keep a proposed swap separate from an agreed change, and a calm accurate record can help both parents look back at what was agreed. ParentGlow is designed around those small tasks. It does not choose mediation or court for you, and it is not legal advice.
If you reach agreement, write it down while the details are fresh. The UK parenting plan examples page can help you think about handover points, and the separate parenting plan template is the place to find the fill-in version rather than repeating it here.
Are you a family mediator? What ParentGlow is, and isn’t, for the families you work with.
Quick answers
Mediation and court questions.
Is family mediation compulsory?
No. There is no legal requirement to attend mediation before applying to court, although a MIAM is usually required and the court can scrutinise exemptions more closely.
What is a MIAM?
A MIAM is a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. It is a separate meeting where a mediator explains mediation and considers whether it could work safely and usefully.
What does family mediation cost?
A private MIAM is around £120 per person. FMC says mediation sessions commonly cost £130 to £170 per person per hour, while eligible legal-aid clients can have a free MIAM and mediation.
How long does going to court take?
Private-law child arrangements cases took an average of 35 weeks to disposal in the latest published FCSQ figures for January to March 2026. The FHDRA usually takes place in week 5, and at the latest week 6.
Can the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme pay for a MIAM?
No. The scheme can contribute up to £500 towards eligible mediation, but it does not pay for the MIAM itself.
Sources read 13 September 2026: GOV.UK service, MIAM exemptions · GOV.UK, Family Mediation Voucher Scheme · GOV.UK, apply for a court order · GOV.UK, Family Court Statistics Quarterly January to March 2026 · GOV.UK, response on earlier resolution · Family Mediation Council, mediation costs · Family Mediation Council Register · Nuffield Family Justice Observatory, Routes through court for families in private law proceedings.
Bring thecalmhome.
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